Loonie Party letter used for fund raising
Your contact information was referred to me by one of my trusted informants, whose name I am not at liberty to compromise. I would like to approach you with regards to a profitable Business Proposal, regarding the transfer of TEN MILLION FOUR HUNDRED SIXTY THOUSAND ONE ($10,460,001) U.S. Dollars into your Bank Account. For reasons I am sure you will appreciate, I ask that you keep this communication confidential, and avoid it falling into the hands of any agents of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police that may be operating in your area.
My name is Hardly Himself, and I am the nephew of Dr. Gordonium Syngen Smythe, the recently Retired General of the Gnome Liberation Army of Canada, and member of the O.L.P. (The Official Loonie Party- Canada’s first virtual political party)) If you have been following the events in my country over the last few years, you will remember the big scandal that took place when his opponents forced Dr. Gordonium Syngen Smythe into retirement and exile.
You see, my uncle had a lot of enemies among the other generals, who envied his great secret fortune. It was they who removed him in the hope to gain access to the money looted from various gardens that the army has ransacked under his command. Fortunately, there was too much scandal and media coverage in the aftermath of Dr. Gordonium’s exile for them to move openly to claim his money. This gave me and a few trusted people who were still loyal to my uncle, an opportunity to move the money into a secret account at the Second Central Bank of Canada.
While we managed to do this without the Royal Canadian Mounted Police becoming aware of our activities, the money cannot remain in this account, because at the end of the tax year, all deposits and interest will be reported to the Taxation Bureau of Canada, where our enemies have informants in their pay. The only option available to us, is transferring the money to a trusted partner who is a foreign national and cannot be linked to Dr. Gordonium Syngen Smythe in any way.
As your name was brought to my attention by a very trusted contact in Canada’s Foreign Office, I have been authorized by my partners to contact you with this Proposal. All that would be required of you is the use of your bank account to perform a transfer of TEN MILLION FOUR HUNDRED SIXTY THOUSAND ONE ($10,460,001) U.S. Dollars. Once the money has been deposited, one of Dr. Gordonium’s other nephews will contact you, at which point you will release SEVEN DOLLARS ($7) of the amount into his custody.
I am authorized by my uncle’s estate in Canada to offer you the remaining THREE DOLLARS ($3) as a compensation for your services. Because the money would only need to be in your bank account for a few days, and your danger of being discovered by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police is minimal, we believe the commission of TWENTY THREE PERCENT (23 %) to be more than generous.
Once I have received your consent and bank account number, I will be able to make a claim under your name with The Canadian National Lottery for the above sum. We have a friend on the Board Of Oversight in that organization who has assured me that the claim will be processed without raising any red flags, and the money will be released into Your Bank Account no later than within SEVEN (7) days from the time I receive your response.
I am at your disposal to answer any questions you may have about this Transaction, so don’t hesitate to contact me via telephone, at 1-555-555-6366 (just ask for Hardly Himself). I eagerly await your reply, though I must ask you to treat this matter with great secrecy, lest you betray me and my partners to the agents of Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Hardly Himself ……. ever