The Official Loonie Party (O.L.P.)
The first Canadian virtual political party although virtually it crosses all boundaries.The Official Loonie Party (OLP) is Canada’s Second Virtual Political party formed after the success of the Raving Loony Party (RLP) at the last election.
Some determining factors in the formation of the Loonie Party
- The size of the lie is a definite factor in causing it to be believed, for the vast masses of a nation are in the depths of their hearts more easily deceived than they are consciously and intentionally bad.
- The primitive simplicity of their minds renders them a more easy prey to a big lie than a small one, for they themselves often tell little lies, but would be ashamed to tell big lies. Adolf Hitler
- Could this explain why our politicians are so ineffective?
- Are their lies just tooooooo small?
This is why you should: VOTE LOONIE IT ONLY MAKES CENTS
- Loonie is the name Canadians gave the gold-coloured, bronze-plated, one-dollar coin shortly after its introduction. It bears images of a common loon, a well-known Canadian bird, on the reverse, and of Queen Elizabeth II on the reverse.
- Loonie – a mentally ill person Robin Williams referenced the Loonie during his 2002 Live On Broadway special, taking a jab at its peculiar name. He said, “Canadian money is also called “the Loonie”; how can you take an economic crisis seriously?” Piggy banks have become “Loonie Bins.”
- Loony Bin Definition “an insane asylum or the psychiatric ward of a hospital.”
Loonie Party Manifesto
Education – Loonie Party 2011
- Degrees obtained from Gnome University will carry more weight.
- We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.
Politics – Loonie Party 2010
- In reaction to the old adage, “Children are so honest” we intend to reduce the age of standing for parliament from 21 to 5. Special dispensation will also be given to cute babies to be appointed to ministerial positions. There is a clear understanding that the Civil Service runs everything anyway. They will surely incur less abuse than a obese, balding, puffing old fart.
- All foxes will be issued with sheep’s clothing.
- Weed killers should be considered as a weapon of mass destruction.
Economy Loonie Party 2010
- Introduction of a 99-cent coin to save on change. It will be called the Gretzky after the “Great One”.
- Abolishment of the HST because it’s proved unpopular & will also make the Gretzky more useful.
- Rich people should be taxed to pay for the printing of money, as they use most of it.
- We’ll eliminate the Black Economy by shining a light on it.
- We will eliminate the underground economy by forbidding companies to operate in basements. (Thom Thomas)
Senior Citizens (not to be confused with olds farts) Loonie Party 2010
- Meals will be served on plates not on wheels.
Pets Loonie Party 2010 Anyone believing that their pet understands every word that they say to them will be asked to make the pet write a thesis to prove it. It will be illegal to name your Cat “Cat Mandu“. There can be only one. Law and Order Loonie Party 2010
- Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.
Environment Loonie Party 2010
- All fast food will be clearly labeled “May contain traces of food”.
- We will channel all the hot air coming from Parliament into a purpose built Wind farm, so that everyone will have free heating in the winter, and electric fans in the summer.
- To make electricity cheaper to produce, all joggers will be placed in a huge revolving drum linked by a dynamo to the national grid.
- People who drink gin and tonics will not be allowed ice. This will help to preserve the polar ice cap.
- We were the first party to support Fartless Fridays as it is a good thing . Some “tight asses” make actually explode.
- To prevent a fuel crisis and help farmers we will work together with Volkswagen to produce a new car which runs on farmyard effluent. We propose to call this new car the ‘Dung Beetle’.
Sport Loonie Party 2010
- We intend to pressure the organizers of the Olympics to include: The Annual Witch ducking Championships. (Which was abandoned 400 years ago due to contestants drinking too much).
- We will force all Olympic teams from all countries to use the same GNOMEnclature for making comments. (Thom Thomas for Hardly Gnome)
- We will ban all forms of Greyhound racing. This will help stop the country going to the dogs.
Education Loonie Party 2010
- Reduction of class sizes by making pupils sit closer together.
- Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.
- Any child who is cleverer than their teacher will be allowed to take over the class and the teacher will stand at the back with a dunce’s hat on. He or she will then be on half pay until he or she has learnt enough to regain the upper ground. This is our policy for child empowerment.
- We intend to make free university tuition available to all students named Grant.
- We will raise educational standards by requiring that all High Schools are located on the top floor of the tallest buildings in each city! They are after all “high” schools.
- We will lower tuition fees by always printing the total at the bottom of the page.
- We will increase support for students by requiring them to wear those special “support hose” to all academic functions.
- Homework should be banned as it is bad enough for kids having to go to school let alone bring it home with them. To combat discomfort and possible medical litigation, cushions will be provided for all school chairs. ( more relevant for US schools maybe? )
- Languages should be banned in schools as most kids (and adults) have trouble with English.
- The Constitution will be sorted out by going for a long Walk. “As everyone knows that walking is good for the constitution”
Transportation Loonie Party 2010
- Rainbow stop – It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum. (proposed by Liv & Lord Graham with a cue )
Espionage Loonie Party 2010
- Incognito- We should put video cameras on peoples heads. Then we shall send them to spy in Russia.
Security Loonie Party 2010
- Guard Dogs shall no longer be (permitted. they’re so vicious) It is proposed that they will be replaced with Guard Tortoises, called Shelly. (proposed by Sir Leroy)
Equality Loonie Party 2010
- K9 IQ The true intelligence of dogs will be fully recognized and appreciated. (when did you last see a dog step in a human pooh?) (proposed by Sir Leroy & Lord Pumba)
Liberation Loonie Party 2010 Calling for the end of the exploitation of gnomes. Say no to gnome delivery. (proposed by Hardly Himself — party founder) Election Procedure Why do we put a “cross” on the ballot paper. A cross normally means “that’s wrong”. We propose that a “tick” would be more suitable. Putting a cross next to someone’s name on the ballot paper is as good as writing “monumental cock up” next to their name. Health Loonie Party 2010
- Chocolate be available as a prescription drug.
- Free prescriptions will be made available for all. It shouldn’t cost anyone to be sick.
Immigration Our policy on Asylum Seekers is simple, the asylums should be better sign-posted. Actually you might go crazy just looking for one as they seem to have either disappeared or have more political correct labels like ” Drop in” ( the bucket) or “Shelter” ( not to be confused with “The Doghouse”) 2015 Manifesto additions
- Air bags will be fitted to the Stock Exchange immediately, ready for the next crash.
- Puddles deeper than 3 inches will be marked by a yellow plastic duck.
- Unruly teenagers will be superglued together as if you can’t beat them, join them.
- X-ray machines will be manned by a skeleton staff.
- All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)
- Vehecles will be fitted with bungy chords in order to save fuel on the return journey.
Ministerial Positions in the Loonie Party
Lord Pumba of Spruce ‘n Bruce
A lamp post at the corner of Spruce & Bruce Streets being his calling card, has been appointed as Minister of D’fence due to his obvious resemblance to Sir Winston Churchill. The party feels this will give us more “cred”. .
Sir Leroy Brown
Sir Leroy has taken another post (not as in lamp). He is now Minister of D’arts. “And it’s bad, bad Leroy brown The baddest dog in the whole damn town Badder than old King Kong And meaner than Junkyard Dog.” It was unanimously agreed at the party meeting in August at the Black Badger that Sir Leroy did not match up to the words in the song . He looks “too sweet” . Thus his new position as Minister of D’arts. Just say 301 and he will be there. . . .
Liv has accepted the position as Shadow Minister of Cuteness.
A new position was formed just to accommodate her in the new party. In the tradition of “Prince” “Bono” & “Madonna” she is to be known by just one name. Nobody else could possibly be cuter, so there will be no confusion. .