Gnomes in Academic Dress – The Canadian Edition

I’m Theophilous G. Gnome, graduate of the University Cottage [sic] of Wheatley-in-the-Valley, Gnome University and sundry other seats, ledges and benches of higher learning. I am pleased to offer to a discerning public the fruits of decades of research into the finer and more abstruse points of Gnomic Academic Dress.


Theophilous G. Gnome, B.A.

Gnomes’ very longevity suits them to the pursuit of inexpressible, ineffable, transcendental, metaphysical mysteries. They’re also pretty good on practical matters, such as where’s the nearest pub, and whether the ale’s any good.

Academic Gnomes tend to be more elusive than their Garden Cousins. Indeed, they could be described as retiring; especially as quite a few of them have been given as leaving presents to eminent professors and heads of colleges. Many an Academic Gnome has languished alone in a college garden, having for some inexplicable reason been left behind when the previous incumbent departed.
[Cries of “Shame!” and other noises off]

Now at last, thanks to my untiring efforts, the Academic Gnomes emerge from the murky shadows and dimly-lit forest of the wild-wood into the brightness of the groves of academe.

Through the modern magic of the internet, the ancient fame and learning of the Academic Gnomes may be exposed to the world. Whether for admiration and approbation, or for derision and scorn, remains to be seen.

[From the lack of response – favorable or reproachable – from the learned Burgon Society, the world of men gives not a toss. Ed.]

Anyway, click on the links and enjoy, chortle or sneer.

Theo G. Gnome

Theophilous G. Gnome, B.A.

(Cantab), M.A.(Wheatley)

Gnomes are not generally considered learned in matters academics.

Wise, most certainly; in an earthy, instinctive manner. Gnomic wisdom is born of millennia of contemplation of the mysteries of earth and rocks, of woods and deep forest pools, and (in the last few centuries) the realm of the cultivated garden.

Many regard gnomes as rather thick academically. Do they ever consider how gnomes think of them? Whatever – Academic Gnomes are gnoted for their devotion to and assiduous pursuit of gnowledge in all its forms. The more arcane, abstruse, recondite, enigmatic, inscrutable and unintelligible the better.

Whilst mosgnomest folk are familiar with the common or garden gnome in his bright working clothes and red pointy hat, few are cognizant of the much rarer academic gnome in his rusty or greenish tattered academic gown, colourful hood and (normally) black square academic cap.


Most of the costumes shown belong to Theo Gnome (aged 345 years), son of the learned Doctor Hieronymous T. Gnome, the senior member of the Clan of Academic Gnomes.


Theophilous G. Gnome, M.A. (Wheatley City)

Theo’s MA hood. You will see how this hood has evolved from the traditional gnomic head covering Theo modeling the gown and hood of and Old Fellow of the defunct Academic Society of London . (one of the many Learned Society Fellowships he has collected).

Theo modeling his great Uncle Drongo’s Harvard Doctor’s robe.

Drongo was much taller than Theo, as the sleeves of the robe reveal.

The Reverend Doctor Athansasius Gnome, D.D. Unfortunately, Dr Euthanasia’s is a curmudgeonly, sanctimonious old fart – like his illustrious Alexandrian namesake.
Theo in his FASC hood and gown.

Not normally musical, the academic gnomes are the exception.

Theo hums and strugnomesms along with the best of them.gnomes

Gnomes in Academic Dress rocks!