Inside cables there are hundreds of tiny gnomes ‘high-fiving’ each other and running around swapping messages. This transfer of messages allows things to work, e.g. the gnomes in a plug socket tell the gnomes in the wire, who eventually tell the gnomes in (say) a kettle to fart in the water allowing it to boil.


Atoms are in fact minuscule gnomes, all holding hands and feet etc together to form an intricate web from which nearly everything in the universe is comprised. Radioactivity occurs when a rebel gnome is catapulted by his friends from their structure. Should this gnome come into contact with the gnomes from our body, he will offer them beer, thus making the local area either benign or malignant. Either way, just read: cancerous.

Super and hyper-gnomes

So what are gnomes made up of? Surely they’re not at the bottom of life, the universe and everything? They are in fact comprised of billions of even smaller gnomes, known as super-gnomes. They, in turn, are made up of billions of even smaller gnomes known as hyper-gnomes. Hyper-gnomes are the fundamental building blocks of everything. Though no one, to be honest, can yet be absolutely sure. Least of all, gnomes themselves.

Excerpts from Unencyclopedia