Gnome (2016)

Synopsis: Our PG rated short film is an unexpected tale of a Gnome returning home from a day of collecting nuts and finding a caterpillar struggling to reach for …Synopsis: Our PG rated short film is an unexpected tale of a Gnome returning home from a day of collecting nuts and finding a caterpillar struggling to reach for leaves outside his house. The goodnatured gnome helps the caterpillar and gives it some leaves to gnaw on. But when it’s bedtime for the gnome, he only needs to deal with the gnawing sound.

False Memories

Most people would admit that people, including themselves, can be mistaken about a memory.
However, our egos get bruised when we are confronted with our own mistakes of memory, and we often secretly believe that our memory is better than that of others.
In day to day life, being mistaken is usually no big deal, but when it comes to the criminal justice system or some childhood trauma, it can become a vitally important subject. Just how accurate is eyewitness testimony or your memory of some perceived traumatic event especially in childhood?

One of the central functions of memory, is not to make perfect recordings of events. Instead, memory is similar to imagination, and it tends to create narratives in which we are the central actors, and in which our current beliefs, emotions, and worldviews are continually confirmed. Memory is one of the ways that our brains maintain the illusion of an unbroken narrative of the self.

Once you grasp the purpose of memory, it should make you quite humble — and very reliant on fact-checking with multiple sources before concluding your memory of something was correct !

Little Gnome Facts

Grandmother’s last wish to have gnomes lining funeral route scuppered

Over her lifetime she had collected a series of  garden gnomes from all over the country.

So when it came to her funeral, Veronica Pratt had one special request – she wanted the colourful little characters to line the route.

The family of the 82-year-old grandmother duly obliged, placing 30 of them on a roundabout past which the cortege would drive.

Killjoys: Council workers remove the gnomes grandmother Veronica Pratt had wanted to be left lining her funeral route in Pembrokeshire
Killjoys: Council workers remove the gnomes grandmother Veronica Pratt had wanted to be left lining her funeral route in Pembrokeshire

But almost inevitably, the  touching tribute fell foul to that scourge of modern life – the elf ’n’ safety police.

The gnomes were scooped up by council officials who said the little figures could be a ‘danger by distracting passing drivers’.


Gnomophobia, not to be confused with anglophobia, or the fear of englishness— is basically an acute fear of gnomes.

However, the APA (American Psychiatric Association) refuses to recognize this as a legitimate condition, despite the fact that over 78% of people diagnosed with this condition suffer from this condition.

While the results of the syndrome on your daily life are minimal, it can gnome with critical chemical gnome gnome gnome brain gnome gnome disrupt reading abilities gnome.

Treatment of Gnomophobia

If you have the syndrome, you will be taken from your family and friends (provided you have any), packaged and shipped via UPS (3rd class mail, postage paid) to remote testing facilities, anally probed, administered un-FDA approved drugs, and sent gnome. Then the doctors will come to your house and the treatment will begin. The doctors, who underwent almost 15 minutes of rigorous training, will force feed you 13.4 bottles of pink cough medicine, which will do nothing to cure you. Don’t worry about spontaneously losing your sight, penis , car keys, or mind. That barely ever happens anymore, WE THEY SWEAR.

This disease is said to have surfaced around 1520 CGE (Current Gnomalonian Era), several dozen years after Columbus arrived in America. It nearly wiped out the Native Americans, who were particularly susceptible due to their lack of familiarity with the iniquitous race. It was believed to have been eradicated, as there was a 200 year period of no documented cases. However, in colonial Pennsylvania, the disease began resurfacing. A renowned immunologist of the time, who went by the majestic name of Bob Clark, published a revolutionary article about the disease in the “blasphemous” scientific journal.

Things explained by Gnome Physics

Gnome Computers

Your computer is run by teeming squads of tiny gnomes. They beaver away at nano-sized work stations inside your PC. When you turn off your computer, they tend to collapse from utter exhaustion, desperate to grab a bit of shut-eye before you switch on again. Older gnomes can tremble at mere mention of the term booting up. And this is not just because the average gnome has hats like Imelda Marcos has shoes. What you see on your screen is in fact a highly complex configuration of gymnastic gnomes trained to Olympic standard frenetically swapping different colored hats at dizzying speeds. Casualties are not unknown. Dead pixels? Need we say more?

ghome_physicsMobile Gnome Phones

‘Scientists’ may try and fool you with talk of ‘waves’, but please don’t believe these distracting and frankly stupid theories. Mobile phones are built (by gnomes) to incorporate a gnome catapult. These devices are worked by gnomes in your mobile phone (which coincidentally is made up of gnomes) to fire their gnome friends upwards when you place a call. The gnomes are fired into space where they land on ‘satellites’ (also made of gnomes). The gnome satellites then catapult separate gnomes to the mobile you are trying to contact (if you are attempting to ‘connect’ with a land line the gnomes are fired at a landing station where they run and hi-five down wires to the other phone receiver). When the gnomes reach the receiver you are connecting with there is an exchange of messages, hi-fives and presents (the unwrapping is the crackle you hear). More catapulting occurs back to the satellite and then to your phone. This process continues so that what you say is ‘transmitted’ to the other phone and vice-versa (the process is VERY quick, as these gnomes travel at the speed of light-gnomes). A call ‘breaks up’ or has no ‘signal’ when the presents that are exchanged are so good the gnomes don’t bother coming back, but just sit and play. To sum up: gnomile phones.

Excerpts from the Unencyclopedia Gnome Physics

“You are never alone with a gnome