Gnomes On Dope

This "gnome" in the Edmonton Mall is obviously an imposter

For a short period of time in the early 1970s gnomes were severely abused in remote shampoo testing facilities. Efforts to liberate the gnomes were abandoned after numerous anonymous threats.

Eventually, the gnomes were able to rise up against the shampoo company in the great gnome rebellion of 1974.

The lab workers who were few in number, mostly Canadian, and armed only with empty shampoo bottles stood no chance against the gnome’s superior force.

This uprising, led by the head gnome Lester (whose beard was most foamy), was won in less than 12 hours.

Using only light bulbs, yarn, and paper cups the gnomes were able to construct a class 4E-8 helicopter capable of sustaining a speed of over 137 mph for about 12 hours. Using this single helicopter, they were able to escape from the facility, pick up some Big Macs (two for $4 before tax), and completely overwhelm the french military.

Unfortunately, the gnome’s success rapidly came to a halt after an incident with a raccoon. This incident, known as bad thing ( referring to the number 42) ended the Great Gnome Rebellion. The raccoon responsible was given an eight pound bowling ball for saving the entire human race. The racoon’s acceptance speech was a disappointment to most critics, who claimed it was just a series of growls.