Gnomes On Dope

Archive for the ‘gnomic news’ Category

July 22, 2010  Special to the Toronto Star  SONIA DAY

Weird trivia department: more than 26,000 garden gnomes were sold on ebay in Canada last year.

Yep, 26 THOUSAND. This statistic astonishes me, because I don’t often see gnomes in gardens, they are never featured in gardening magazines, and not one person I know would admit to owning one. So who is buying the kitschy little guys that many of us associate with Snow White?

An awful lot of Canadians, it seems. And indeed, why shouldn’t they? The fact is, gnomes have enjoyed a long and powerful connection to gardening that shows no signs of diminishing. Some of us may roll our eyes, but just surf the Internet and you quickly discover that there’s — gno end to the numbers of gnome-lovers in the world.

Consider these fascinating facts:

• Mass-market gnomes originated early in the 19th century with a German manufacturer called Philip Griebel. And they were creepy-looking, not cute. People used them to scare thieves away from barns where grain and vegetables were stored.

• Even today, Germans buy more garden gnomes than anyone else in Europe. They are also more popular with all Europeans than North Americans.

• The French have a soft spot for gnomes, too, and often group them with flowerpots on rooftops in Paris. A gnome played a role in the popular movie Amelie, starring Audrey Tautou. And a decade ago, they were celebrated in a major cultural exhibition at the Bois de Boulogne.

• The tacky image of gnomes (they are banned from the Chelsea Flower Show) is relatively new. The first Brit to import them was the decidedly upper class Sir Charles Isham. One of his terracotta purchases from Germany in 1847 survives today in a museum on his estate. It is worth more than 2 million pounds.

• Early garden gnomes looked far more raunchy than the wholesome Disneyish designs we know today. Naked male appendages were often prominently featured.

• Enthusiasts divide gnomes into three categories: worker gnomes, leisure gnomes and culture gnomes (which hold musical instruments).

• More than a million people have viewed a recent “garden gnome sighting in Argentina” on YouTube.

The Globe Trotting Gnome

I’m always a little jealous when I hear of peoples’ amazing adventures around the world, those who are brave enough to take some time out to travel for a few months.

So I did feel envious this week when I read the hilarious story of Murphy the English gnome who, 7 months ago disappeared from his owners garden. Last week, Murphy the Gnome was returned to his owner, complete with a photo album documenting his absence.

And it seems he’s been having a whale of a time!

Murphy has been to 12 different countries, including Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and parts of Asia, and has been abseiling, ice climbing and swimming in the Great Barrier Reef.

A note left with the album explained his prolonged absence was due to itchy feet:
“I came to the conclusion that the world is a big place and there is more to life than watching the daily commuter traffic, and allowing passing cats to urinate on you.”

Isn’t there some truth in the gnome’s (abductor’s) words?

Ok, hopefully cats don’t relieve themselves on you too often but it is easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forget about all the wonderful places out there and experiences waiting to be had.

While we can’t all afford to put our jobs and lives on hold to go off around the world, a little break away will often do the trick.

You don’t even need to leave the country. Why not rent a car and go somewhere new this month, do something different?

Last week I went snowboarding in NSW for the first time and this week I’m planning a trip to the Great Barrier Reef. Couldn’t possibly be out-traveled by a garden gnome now, could I?

Related Gnomes Articles

This weeks episode of “The Truth about Germany” looks at the German invention and one of the most well known German products Garden gnomes.

Garten Gnomes are often found in gardens and used for housing decoration, especially in Germany, Austria and Switzerland.

They were originally made from burnt clay but now they are mostly made from plastic.

The first Garden gnomes were introduced at the end of the 19th century in Thüringen.

The traditional dwarf held a lantern, but today’s Gartenzwerge wear cool sunglasses and bathing suites.
Video Rating: 5 / 5

A gnome is spotted in Argentina. A small person in “gnomish attire” is seen terrorizing a group of young boys.

A German artist uses 1250 garden gnomes saluting in Hitler-like poses to make a point against fascism. (Oct. 14)
Video Rating: 4 / 5

Nature’s Enchantment at Tyler Arboretum
Experience unparalleled delight at Nature’s Enchantment, Tyler Arboretum’s magical and mystical exhibition celebrating spirits and beings of nature such as elves, faeries, sprites, gnomes, hobbits, green men, trolls, goblins, wizards and more.
Read more on Media Town Talk

Flyers find Cup hopeful in Drumheller
At least one die-hard fan in the valley was happy when Canada’s last remaining team in the Stanley Cup playoffs was knocked out, when the Philadelphia Flyers beat the Montreal Canadiens on May 24.
Read more on Drumheller Mail

Get Your Ryan Howard Garden Gnomes!
Garden Gnomes: The AA Reading Phillies are giving away 2,500 Ryan Howard Garden Gnomes, which do look quite a bit like lawn jockeys. I’m waiting for one of these bad boys to hit eBay so I can place it on my window sill and taunt it for its flabby physique, its average at best [...]
Read more on The Big Lead

Ryan Howard Philadelphia Phillies 9.5″ Super Bighead Bobble Head Doll from Forever Collectibles

Was it the GLA ( The Gnome Liberation Army) or the GLF (Gnome Liberation Front) ?

Hardly……. it seems!

No — just some pathetic guilt ridden twerp !

The little fellow was spirited away in the dead of night from Denis and Doris Heard’s garden more than 13 years ago. They accepted the theft of their garden gnome as ‘just one of those things’. After all, plenty of their bearded figures had already been smashed or thrown over the hedge by passing youths.

But the prankster who stole the ornament back in 1996 wasn’t able to forget his crime so easily.

Haunted by a guilty conscience, the mysterious thief last week returned to the pensioners’ council house in Leeds and left them a package containing a letter of apology and a replacement gnome.

Mr and Mrs Heard, both 77, couldn’t believe their eyes when they returned from a shopping trip to find the gnome.

Glenbrook to become ‘Gnome man’s land’

Blue Mountain Gazette Jan 13th 2010

Gnome lovers from all parts of the Blue Mountains and surrounding districts are currently collecting, painting and ‘dressing up’ their collection to take part in what will surely be the biggest gnome convention in history.

The 2009 convention attracted more than 900 gnome registrations but Lower Blue Mountains Rotary’s now famous ‘great gnome rescue’ from Cootamundra will see the number jump to almost 2000.

Everyone is welcome to register their gnomes at 9am on January 26 at the special gnome assembly area in Glenbrook Park.

There are great prizes on offer — courtesy of Jimmy’s Steak House at Emu Plains — and the Penrith mayor Jim Aitken will join with Australia Day Ambassador Robyn Moore to judge the competition at 12 noon.

The various gnome categories have been streamlined this year and all gnome ‘carers’ young and old are welcome to take part. Following is the complete list:

• Painted/decorated gnomes — senior and junior divisions.

• • Traditional garden gnome.
• • Australia Day gnome.
• • Sporting gnome.
• • Judges’ choice.

The winner of each category will receive a gift voucher for Jimmy’s Steak House to the value of $100.

Lower Blue Mountains gnome master David Cook — who is just a trifle eccentric — reports tremendous interest this year in the wake of publicity created by the ‘great gnome rescue’.

“Carers are devoting much time and energy into dressing up their gnomes and the imaginative efforts will delight the expected large crowd,” he said.

However, David emphasised that many residents are pleased to register their much-loved, average garden variety gnomes — straight from the garden.

“Many of our best registrations are weather beaten, old gnomes in their natural state. Don’t hesitate. Bring them in and be part of the historic sixth annual Australian Gnome Convention,” he said.

Residents of the Lower Mountains may get a taste of the fun to come at the gnome convention by a visit to the window of the former Health Food shop in Ross Street, Glenbrook, where a special gnome display has just been mounted.

Travelocity Gnome

Gnomes attempted to infiltrate the interior of my house at about 0300 hour this morning (Eastern Standard Time). While Martin the Bear and the Porcelain Piglet decimated the main body of gnome troops, Alter Gnome escaped unharmed and undetected.

Per the Gnome Defence Manual, I have buried the remains of the gnomes head down around the perimeter.

Note Carefully

Need to raise the sensitivity on the Gnome Early Warning System (GEWS) Pronounced “goose” during snowy weather. False Alarms all night long. Somehow they knew…….

Gnome adventurers let their curiosity for the unknown get the better of them, and often can be found in the company of elves or dwarves.

The picture is from Karl Gjellerup’s book Den Ældre Eddas Gudesange [The Divine Songs of the Elder Eddas] Kalliope, Denmark, 1895 [re-released by Thaning and Appel, Copenhagen, 1973]; some call these figures ‘gnomes’.

The term gnome appears better attributed to Paracelsus, where they are described as ‘elementals’ having to do with the earth. This may have led to confusion of the terms, since dwarves are usually identified as ‘soil dwelling dwarves’ [the old Norse Eddas], or below-ground stone and metal smiths [Tolkien].

Even the term gnome is not settled in its origins; while some attribute it to the Greek gnome ‘to know’, others from the Greek genomon ‘one who knows’, and by extension ‘guardian’ (of treasure), yet others say Greek genomus ‘earth dweller’ [presumably from ge, gaia 'earth' + nómos 'an allotted abode'].

Mythologically Dwarves are believed to live in subterranean halls, or mines, and guard great treasures. The term Dwarf traces back to ancient Northern European roots [e.g.: Swedish dverg, Old German twerg], but its origin is essentially unknown.

ManMade  Meats has been quietly pushing a new line of products, designed to appeal to Americans wanting to save money. According to a press release, the new low-end foodstuff will be labeled exactly what it is – bullshit.

An inside source at ManMade has told Gnomic News, “The board felt that, in light of the fact that Americans are so accustomed to bullshit in their politics, culture, and lifestyles, that no one would balk at eating a little more. It’s cheap, easy to manufacture, and is made from 100% American bullshit. That makes it patriotic!”

According to the FDA, almost half the available prime bullshit could come from the American educational system. “That’s where it all starts, really, the schools,” said U.S. Undersecretary of Education Brian Torpor. “Twelve years of public education is enough to dull the mind and the palate sufficiently.”