Grandmother’s last wish to have gnomes lining funeral route scuppered
Over her lifetime she had collected a series of garden gnomes from all over the country.
So when it came to her funeral, Veronica Pratt had one special request – she wanted the colourful little characters to line the route.
The family of the 82-year-old grandmother duly obliged, placing 30 of them on a roundabout past which the cortege would drive.
Killjoys: Council workers remove the gnomes grandmother Veronica Pratt had wanted to be left lining her funeral route in Pembrokeshire
But almost inevitably, the touching tribute fell foul to that scourge of modern life – the elf ’n’ safety police.
The gnomes were scooped up by council officials who said the little figures could be a ‘danger by distracting passing drivers’.
There was a young lady from Guelph
Who fell in love with an elf
When they finally arrived home
She found twas a gnome
That shortsighted lady from Guelph.
The moral of the story is:
Sometimes you get a better deal than expected.
There once was a wench from St. Rose,
Who hated the wart on her nose.
“I think you will find,
That true love is blind.”
Said her date, a gnome with three toes.
Gnomic is from the Greek gnomikos, from gnome, intelligence.
In English a gnome is (besides “an imaginary dwarfish being supposed to inhabit the inner parts of the earth, and to be the guardian of mines, quarries, etc.”) an expressed example of intelligence: a maxim. (A succinct formulation of a fundamental principle, general truth, or rule of conduct.)
Did you know?
A “gnome” is an aphorism-that is, an observation or sentiment reduced to the form of a saying. Gnomes are sometimes couched in metaphorical or figurative language, and they are always concise. We borrowed the word “gnome” in the 16th century from the Greeks, who based their “gnome” on the verb “gignoskein,” meaning “to know.” (That other “gnome”-the dwarf of fairy tales-comes from New Latin and is unrelated to today’s
word.) We began using “gnomic,” the adjective form of “gnome,” in the early 19th century. It describes a style of writing (or sometimes speech) characterized by pithy phrases, which are often terse to the point of mysteriousness.
What is Gnomic
Gnomic is a self-modifying game. It is a combination of Peter Suber’s Nomic and that unmentionable card game that I am going to mention anyway, Mao.
There is only one major difference between Gnomic and Nomic. In Nomic the players take turns playing rounds; however in Gnomic all the players play [insert name of that unmentionable game here] and the winner gets to play a round of Gnomic.
I still don’t know what Gnomic is
Gnomic is a game where the rules of the game change. This allows the game to evolve into whatever the players want. The game initially begins with a set of rules which, for the most part, define how the rules can be changed. Then players play rounds of [that game] and the winner gets to play a round of Gnomic. Basically a round of Gnomic consists of proposing a rule, and having people vote on it. Every time a new rule is introduced, the game changes a bit. There is no limit to what the game can change into.
Between rounds of Gnomic, the players play [that game]. It is a card game. It is somewhat like crazy eights, but it is self-modifying as well. It is difficult to explain the rules of the game. The best way to understand it is to play a few rounds of it. It is quite easy to learn.
Why would I want to play Gnomic
Gnomic is lots of fun. It takes imagination to come up with rules to make the game interesting, and it takes wits to find loopholes in the rules that will have unexpected results. You may want to exploit other people’s rules for your own benefit, or make rules that subtly give you an advantage.
Gnomic is also a social event. It is a chance to meet new friends, and have some fun.
Why can’t you mention the word Mao
It is usually against the rules to mention the name of the game.
Be warned of the increased worldwide activity of the NNN (No Nomes NoHow)
NNN Roll of Shame The following organisations and groups lent their support to the NNN during a recent anti-gnome campaign in the UK:
AAGS – Anarchists Against Gnomes – predictable!
BAGS – Bankers Against Gnomes – even more predictable!
CAGS – Cuba Against Gnomes – any excuse to leave the country
COAGS – Composters Against Gnomes – very surprising!
DAGS – Divers Against Gnomes – why?
EAGS – Evangelicals Against Gnomes – shame on you brothers!
FAGS – Fathers Against Gnomes – should know better!
GAGS – Gardeners Against Gnomes – these guys are militant !
HAGS – Horticulturists Against Gnomes – these too!
IAGS – Intellectuals Against Gnomes – bunch of philosophers!
J-JAGS – Japanese Jesuits Against Gnomes – a whole coach load!
LAGS – Lesbians Against Gnomes – sisters, sisters!
MAGS – Mothers Against Gnomes – not cute enough for you?
MNBD – Millennium No Big Deal – they cycled from Amsterdam!
NAGS – Neurosurgeons Against Gnomes – a shameful outlet
OLAGS – Old Lags Against Gnomes – they are against everything!
PAGS – Pensioners Against Gnomes – something to gripe about!
QUAGS – Quorns Against Gnomes – very suspicious agenda!
RAGS – Rotundians Against Gnomes – real heavy man!
SAGS – Surgeons Against Gnomes – provided first aid tent.
TAGS – Teachers Against Gnomes – enough said!
UWAGS – University of Watchester Against Gnomes.
UWAT FM – Great Sounds from those guys.
VAGS – Vegetarians Against Gnomes – lovely stews.
WAGS – Weeders Against Gnomes – here’s to short tap roots!
YAGS – Yachtsmen Against Gnomes – Jeremy, Nigel and the boys!
Y2KYAWN – those Good Ol’ Glasgow Boys
ZAGS – Zoologists Against Gnomes – stick to evolution!
The latest release in the ‘Harry Potter’ series of books has shocked GLA
commanders after it was found to feature a certain ‘Garden Elf Liberation Front’. GLA leaders fear that strategic details about GLA operations may have been exposed in the book which is intended for children. There is a very definite link between the fictional GELF and the GLA. Information in the book ties in very closely with current GLA operations.
GLA spokesperson ‘Mr. Walsh’ commented: “An investigation has been launched into how such crucial information reached the hands of J.K. Rowling.
We cannot keep up a covert underground militia status if children are allowed to read classified data about the liberation of gnomes. Members could be revealed, certain upcoming missions have had to be aborted after the findings. This is being treated as a major security issue”.